Chicken Tikka, Hold The Salmonella

There is a restaurant in Times Square that I will never step foot in, and it’s all thanks to Gordon Ramsay and his delightful reality show Kitchen Nightmares. When Ramsay checked out Dillon’s Indian restaurant on 54th street he found rotten vegetables, cockroaches galore and decomposed meat that could have killed somebody. It was so bad that a gnarly tomato was actually placed in some poor soul’s meal. It was foul. True to form, Ramsay threw a fit about the conditions and fixed the joint up. I guess he wouldn’t have a show if he shut the place down, but seriously, did that place really deserve a makeover? All I know is that I’m never eating there.

My Money Should Have Been On Maran

If ever there was a time to bet on a reality show elimination it was last night (of course I’m an idiot and didn’t do it). After the ladies performed on Monday’s “Dancing With The Stars” it was clear that model Josie Maran should start packing up her sequins dresses and tan enhancer. After a long drawn out recap, Maran’s fate was revealed. There is a valuable lesson in all of this: just because you’re beautiful doesn’t mean you’re a winner. And, for god’s sake bookmark an online gambling site on your computer!

A Promising Debut For Private Practice

Although Dr. Addison Montgomery has moved miles away from Seattle Grace hospital, we learned last night that Oceanside Wellness has some of the comforts of home, such as a group of good-looking friends, a salt and pepper haired love interest (Tim Daly), and a good amount of challenging medical cases. But there are some distinct differences too – like, for instance, the sunlight. There’s way more of it on this show, the gloom and doom of the Grey’s Anatomy ER are gone (Oceanside Wellness’ waiting room may as well be a Gymboree for adults). And unlike the team at Seattle Grace, the doctors at this office make house calls. I could get into this.

Hip Replacement Is No Biggie For Cuban

The ladies brought down the house on Dancing With The Stars on Monday night (with the exception of model Josie Maran) and last night it was the guy’s turn. Of all the men, I was most anxious for Mark Cuban’s performance. He just doesn’t seem like the dancing type. And, it was shocking to learn that the guy just had hip replacement surgery seven weeks ago. I thought he pulled it off.

Letterman Not Sweet On Sugar

I like David Letterman’s style. His show is on CBS but he’s not a sell-out. He tells it like it is. Last night he poked fun at how much promotion the network’s new drama Cane is getting this premiere week. During his opening segment a plump shady-looking man popped in front of the camera several times and said something evocative about sugar (“Remember, sugar is the new oil.”) as Cane and Tuesdays at 10pm flashed on screen.

Why iNeed An iPhone

Last night, during two full hours of new fall TV, I thought a lot about buying a car and a new cell phone. Maybe it’s because on Journeyman I saw how easy it is to foil a crime using an iPhone. Not only does it work seamlessly in 2007, but it’s fully functional in 1997 too! It was also really hard to ignore the sleek black Chevy that sat in the driveway of Jimmy Smits home on Cane. But later, when actor Nestor Carbonell extolled the business practices of Bacardi rum, that’s when I had to turn the TV off. I got off the couch and whipped up some mojitos.

Californication: Let’s Get Real

Ok, this unrequited love thing between Hank and Karen is getting to be a little unrealistic. Karen and Hank are alone in almost every scene, which means there are endless opportunities for them to flirt with one another. And, where is her fiancé Bill anyway? I mean, she lives with the guy and he’s never around. Hank sleeps over (in the spare room, mind you), eats breakfast with his daughter and ex, all under her fiancé’s multi-million dollar roof. I really like this show but let’s be realistic. Would a guy like Bill really allow her to hang out with her ex-flame so much? Especially an ex who’s as rude as Hank? I think not.

TV Host Is Sick On Air

sick on air
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I have no idea what this game show host is saying, but are words really necessary? All you need to see is the projectile vomiting. It’s hilarious. If you watch it a second time you can actually see the exact moment where the host knows something doesn’t feel quite right. But the funniest part is how she just continues with the segment!

Something In The Way He Moves

Survivor has started up again and the new crop of castaways are quite interesting. My personal favorite is James, the gravedigger from Lafayette, Louisiana. He’s a man of few words. In fact, the only thing he said in the premiere was something about socializing with tribe mates. But who was listening? Did anyone else see his massive muscles? Those bad boys are out of control. They helped him lead his team to victory in the first group challenge. His physique reminds me of Djimon Hounsou in Janet Jackson’s 1992 “Love Will Never Do” video. Delicious! I can’t wait to see what James gets up to this week.

Black Tuesdays On Biggest Loser

What’s the deal with the black team on The Biggest Loser? All the secrecy surrounding them is getting on my nerves. Uber-manly trainer Jillian has them lifting logs in the 90 degree desert, and I know any minute one of them is gonna keel over and die. The dramatic music plays whenever we see them – don, don, don — then there’s the timer on the screen which tells us how many more hours and minutes we have until they go to campus. And Jillian’s yelling has gotta stop. “THESE ARE THE PEOPLE THAT DID NOT WANT YOU!” she screams as the black teammates do contortionist-style push-ups on the beach in the sand. I get it, they are the underdogs! But quit the gimmicks and just introduce them to the teams already.